Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize