I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
