No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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