I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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