I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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