we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
