You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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