are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
