she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
