When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize