This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
