I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my being single is dangerous.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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