Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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