So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
