I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
