left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
