this boner is exhausting
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
