How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
