I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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