i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
