I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
