How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
