I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I looked at my own cervix.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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