my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
