All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
