Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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