im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
