Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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