i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
