The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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