I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
