John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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