Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
