I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
