remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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