So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
