i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
