would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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