This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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