I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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