i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I checked into jail on foursquare
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
