No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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