lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i think i just lost a toe
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
