I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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