BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
