Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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