In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
