Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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