i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
