What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
