I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
