K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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