So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
