zippers are such a cool invention
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
