It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
