Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
