I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
