I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
50% drunk capacity currently
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
