you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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