he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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