Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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