It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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