my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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