I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
