Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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