i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize