I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
