Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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