yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
