Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
