the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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