i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
