Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
