Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize