last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
