a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
