Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
