officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
