He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
