cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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