Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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