If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
