so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize