this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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