New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
