is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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