There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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