As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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