So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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