In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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