The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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