We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize