Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
