How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
