new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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