i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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