Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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