i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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