Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
