i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
