just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
