he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
