You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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