i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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