And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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