Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
