Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
