i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
