i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
